mockingbird

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About mockingbird

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    Member

Converted

  • Location
    Westminster
  • Interests
    Dancin in the streets
  • Gender
    rather not say
  1. Hey! I'm doing okay... healing is very very slowwwwww... :/ My legs are still a mess. Lots of pain still. Muscle, skeletal, and nerve pain. My leg and my calf muscles are still very bruised and painful (I'm a little scared of pain associated with PT with my pain levels as they are now, but I am sure that I will need PT). The skin is still about half numb to touch but the inside of my calves are full of shooting nerve pain that feels like I am being stabbed with hot needles. I still have a limp and it takes me some time to get my legs moving in the morning because of the pain. I have to sit on the side of my bed and slowly put pressure on my feet to stand up. Even at that point I still hold on to the bed until I am sure my legs will work. My pain is worse in the early morning and evenings. Trying to get comfortable to sleep is challenging. My ribs on my right side still ache and bother me, but the pain is most severe in my legs. I can't lay on my right side at all. If I accidentally roll on to my right side I get severe jolting pain. My hematoma has shrunk a little but is still a little bigger than an orange. The tight band of skin under the hematoma is still numb to touch...but hurts badly on the inside. My Epsom salt baths are the highlight of my day. I can't wear normal pants so I have been living in PJs, leggings, and yoga pants. My doctor is optimistic that I will heal with time but the future of my legs is still unclear. Fingers crossed that my legs will be able to allow me to run again someday. My face is okay. Healed up nicely and isn't painful. My neck really only hurts some when I turn my head to check my blind spots while driving. Sometimes my brain zaps out for a second when trying to think of a certain word or the correct spelling of a word that has multiple spellings and meanings...example, weight and wait. My concussion was bad. I could barely open my eyes for the first few days because of a broken face and light sensitivity. Now I just have a couple bran zaps a day. Trying hard to stay positive and not let the pain drag me down. My RA was in remission but started to come back in my knees a few weeks ago. Hoping the Remicade infusions still work as well as they always have. I have an appointment in a few weeks. Amazingly, out of all of this, my depression and anxiety seem to be under control. I'm not scared to drive anymore but my driving is still contained to short trips to the grocery store and the bus stop. I still have a half tank of gas from the dealership fill up for the CX-5.. When I am on my feet I have to wear the velcro band around my thigh to keep the hematoma pain under control. I call it my thigh bra.
  2. Thanks, com. mla- Yeah... I am upping my MPG but thankfully I can work at home once a week now too keep a bit of the mileage down. I never thought that I would go bigger. I haven't had a car this big in about 10 years when I had a mini van. It honestly doesn't seem that much bigger to me as a driver. I just sit up a little higher. The back seat and hatchback/trunk area are where I notice a huge difference. A bigger backseat and trunk area were what was important to me for safety reasons. My trunk was pushed into the back seat and although I can't say what would have happened if I had backseat passengers it scared me enough to get something bigger. While I was at it I decided to get AWD instead of 2 wheel drive. I just have to get used to the color. It's red. My husband LOVES it. I'm still getting used it. White is my fav color for a car, but they only had 2 white 2017 CX-5s in stock. One was 2 wheel drive and the other was top of the line with leather seats, all the bells and whistles, and 5k more... so I got the lowest of the AWD line. Everyone is in shock that I bought an SUV. lol. I just say one word..., "grandkids..." which sounds weird because I'm only 27 ;-) lol. I'm glad you are okay from you ladder fall. That is terrifying too!!!! I will tell you what though...GAP insurance was the best $800 I have ever spent!!!!!! Closing the gap was almost 4k. Now that I have the car stuff squared away, I just need my lumpy legs and facial fractures to heal. I keep the hematoma on my thigh wrapped except while I am sleeping, its still big, meh. The nerves are healing and firing and that hurts when it's not wrapped. Praying hard that I don't need any surgery on my sinuses from my face fractures. My neck is healing, no surgery needed. My head has a dent in it but I have hair. I just feel some pain when I turn my head quickly and I hear weird cracks in my ears sometimes. Ribs are doing better but still bruised. I can take deep breaths again. I do get worn out easily and that is when everywhere pain is the worst and I have to go to bed.
  3. Thank you, mlatoman and Baltimatt. I bought a 2017 Mazda CX-5 over the weekend. I LOVED my 3 but my husband and I decided that the backseat was to small (its cramped for anyone over 5'7"). I looked at the CX-3 but that was still a little to small. My oldest son is engaged and his fiancé has a little 16 month old cutie so I have grandchildren to think about and their safety in the backseat. My terror of driving is fading. I get really nervous at the thought of driving but once I am in the car I feel a little better. I also just feel comfortable to be back in Mazda because all of the hand controls are exactly the same. The only difference is that the parking break is a button. I love my little hand knob. I have only driven short distances but I am feeling more comfortable. I drove past my accident scene and I got teary. I really loved my little white zoomy 3 and it just made me sad.
  4. Thank you.
  5. I cancelled the appointment downtown and made an appointment with an ENT about 10 minutes away from my house out of Carroll Hospital. I actually slept last night because of this. whew...
  6. I haven't really talked to my therapist yet. I had an appointment the day after the accident that I had to cancel because I was in the hospital. I spoke with him very briefly during my second day at Sinai. He is out of the country until December. :/ Yeah...the "what ifs" are haunting. When I do sleep, my dreams are stressful... I have always thought that I am grateful that this happened to just me, not my son, not my husband, and no one was in my car... but then the accident on 31, and those kids..., their parents, friends, relatives... My head went to really dark places, repetitive thoughts, and empathy that I can't shake. I feel so bad. I have an appointment on Friday with a facial surgeon and I'm terrified of driving. Plus, I'm still in a good amount of pain. I'm going to call them today to see if there is a metro stop close by so that I can just park at Owings Mills and take the metro. I can't walk more than a couple blocks because of my rib pain and the giant hematoma on my thigh. I have to go, no matter what, so I just have to deal. Thanks.
  7. Thanks. Baby steps... The deadly accident in Westminster on Rt. 31 last week was right down the street from my house. My son went to school with them and siblings of the 19/20 year olds that were killed. It was awful. I felt emotionally destroyed. My head went to terrible places. If I had anyone in my back seat I don't think they would have made it. My front seat (driver's side, the one I was sitting in) broke at some point and went into a laying down position and my head rest was completely broken off. The "what if" scenarios are relentless. My husband and younger son drove passed my accident scene on the way to the hospital and my husband said it was the worst feeling he's ever had. My younger son said, "I never want to feel that panic ever again." They didn't know if how bad I was. They knew I was alive but they didn't know if I was critical or anything about my condition. If I saw my accident and knew a family member was in my car, I honestly would have thought the worst. It was one of 'those' accidents, the kind where you say a little prayer for whoever was involved. I feel so horrible for everyone that is grieving the loss of the 4 that were killed in Westminster. I'm so sorry for all of them.
  8. Thank you.
  9. Hi All! Hi Tootsie! Thank you all so much for the well wishes!! I was hit very hard from behind by a full sized pick up truck and that hit pushed me into the car in front of me. It ended up being a 5 car chain reaction accident that happened on 795 N on Oct 3. My air bag did deploy and it was the air bag and my sunglasses that broke my face. I have to see a surgeon on Friday. I have a fractured C6 or C7 in my neck. I forget which one but I won't need any surgery for that. I had a handful of staples in my head, a concussion, two black eyes, nasty bruises and numbness all over, a badly bruised rib, and I have a hematoma on my thigh that is bigger than my boob. In attempting to keep my spirits up I call it my thigh boob. No idea when that will start to subside. Doctors said it could take months. It made it's own stretch mark!! So weird. I was in the hospital for 3 days and ended up having to cut chunks of my hair out when I got home. Luckily my hair is so curly you can't tell. I am alive and very happy to be alive. My Mazda 3 did a very good job at keeping me alive. It crumped around me. I know it sounds weird, but I never got to say good-bye to my car and that makes me a little sad. It was obliterated... I don't remember the impact because I was immediately knocked out. I never saw it coming and I am grateful that I have no memory of the impact to relive over and over. In the hospital the police told me that no one else was hurt. I was happy to hear that.
  10. None really. My son didn't say anything either...just that he was the Principal when he was there and that he was pretty shocked...
  11. He was the Principal at FSK while my oldest son was there.
  12. No...
  13. anyone going to see the parade on Saturday?
  14. lol... oh man...
  15. I am always writing, well typing thoughts and feelings, and other misc. things. I write letters to my kids when I am upset and can't talk (which has maybe been 3 times ever) I write letters to my husband and I have written to both of my bosses when I had to get myself safe because I wasn't safe with my own self. I probably write way to much on public forums but I am very passionate, raw, and real about things that are very important to me. Because of events beyond my control I started writing at a very early age (I ended up burning all of my childhood diaries when I was around 15...I really wish I hadn't done that). I do love to write, I prefer not to talk (except to my immediate family and good friends). Eye contact makes me uncomfortable and sometimes getting words out of my mouth seems impossible. I write for my job, and it has to be perfect, so when I free write I don't really care about punctuation. I used to do have to speak to about 300 people on a yearly basis for an hour about policy issues. This would happen every April or May. I would start to freak out in January. I hated it and it never got easier. I did always ask to be the first on the agenda to that I didn't die of panic by the end of the day. I shook so bad the day before and day of the presentation that I probably looked like I was being electrocuted. I was sooooooooooooooooo happy when the conference was cancelled because of funding issues. Whew. I'm still super happy that I don't have to do that anymore. It's not because I didn't know my stuff because I know my stuff... I just don't like to talk (especially in front of hundreds of people!) and I'd rather punch myself repeatedly in the face than to ever have to do that again. so short story made long... I do write. The crisis hotline was so great for me because its a texting 'hotline' thing. You don't have to talk to anyone. It really helped me so much. thanks again everyone!!!!!!!!!!!! <3