Tim Lumber: Trailer Park Survival Skills

[Tim Lumber]

Every summer, we get some rich folks who think it would be ammusing to drive by our Trailer Park Community and take pictures of us, as they honk there damn Mercedes Benz horns, and call us Trailer Park Trash! But be warned, the last person who parked never found his car lol! The locals got paybacks, as he could NOT find his car when he came back from a bar down the street. He was a outsider, who thought it would be entertaining to steal someones Trailer Park parking space.

I know some of you kids want to visit a Trailer Park near you this summer, BUT we warned, learn my Trailer Park Survival Skills, or YOU may be leaving without a car, or via Ambulance!

Rule #1, do NOT drink, or get caught with a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in the Trailer Park. Yeah, 99.9% of the locals sip on whiskey here! BUT, most of them buy local moonshine from the Rednecks, or they buy Old Crow, I made that famous in the Trailer Park. I have autographed Old Crow bottles for many Trailer Park residents. We consider Jack Daniels the rich man's whiskey. All violaters, will find out, what it is like to have a bottle of Jack Daniels poured on your head!

Rule #2, do NOT attempt to park a rich expensive sports car in the Trailer Park! The last guy who did that last summer, was seen running down a street here, screaming his car has been stolen lol! I will never forget hearing Big Mike screaming at him "Run Loser Run" and he attempted to find his car!

Rule #3, while we are on the car subject, also do NOT attempt to take pictures of the locals here! Many of the hate camera's, and you are almost guaranteed to have someone give you the finger if you try to take a pic of them. Most people here drink heavy, and most are Rednecks and Hillbilly's, they own sshotguns lol, and they love to HUNT. Unless its a Wall-Mart issued camera....keep it home!

Rule #4, do NOT attempt to live here, if YOU own all of your real teeth! Seriously, someone may give you a new dental plan lol. I was in a brutal car accident when I was only 20. I lost my upper teeth, after my face went through the window. I have to be honest, owning dentures has helped me fit in. SeaBond is the favorite denture adhesive here, it has a strong hold on your dentures. By, By Ozziness, Give SeaBond a Try!

Learn these 4 Rules of Trailer Park Survival, if you plan on visiting a Trailer Park this summer. Follow these simple rules, and YOU may become one of us, YOU may fit in like a puzzle piece, YOU may become Trailer Park Trash.....like me...Tim Lumber. If you visit, bring me down some Old Crow!

[Tim Lumber]

Why in the hell is everyone sleeping? I am drunk as a skunk, and you so called Party Animals are sleeping. Wake UP! Pop open a beer, breath, enjoy the finer things in life!!

[Sawxfaninmd]

Hmmm. Methinks, Tim, you are a SuperMod Altie (SMA) trying to be kreative ....nice try .

If that were only true.. Tim is a real person, he has been posting over at the other Bsite for a long time..

[Sawxfaninmd]

My apologies. Where is this other site? Never heard of it. Thanks.
And you are new, too. WELCOME.

bthesite.com. it was set up WAY different than this.. there are some good posters on there that will make their way over here..
Thanks for the welcome

[mgallo_b]

the OLD bthesite.com redirects you to the new and improved site.
since we moved over as part of baltimoresun.com, that's why we're now part of the Baltimore Sun talk forums.

make sense?

[Tim Lumber]

Hmmm. Methinks, Tim, you are a SuperMod Altie (SMA) trying to be kreative ....nice try .

You never heard of me lol? Well put in your hearing Aide, and clean the wax out of your ears chief. My name is Tim Lumber, and I am a internet writing sensation. I posted moer comments than anyone ever at bthesite.com(2,100+) Where in the heck is all the B commentors at?

[Tim Lumber]

If that were only true.. Tim is a real person, he has been posting over at the other Bsite for a long time..

Sawxfaninmd, I am glad you came to the new site. Where are the rest of the wild folks who used to at bthesite.com? Sign up already!

[Tim Lumber]

I have a bad hangover this morning. I was so drunk last night when I wrote these Trailer Park Survival Skills. I cant even say a joke right now. I just took 3 advil, I hate Hangovers!

[Tim Lumber]

I want to see the old bthesite.com commentors on here! Sign up already! Only1, ycktr...quit being that annoying yaknowmay, come back as your original character ycktr! Zionspa, FlatTrackBuff, Tim Dicke, all of you sign up! I dont recognize any of these drunken people here!

[McDermott]

After three years on Talk Forums, I'm happy to say this is officially my new favorite thread.

[Sawxfaninmd]

In my three years on Talk Forums, this is officially my new favorite thread.

Are you smoking a pipe in your picture..


please god say yes

[McDermott]

Are you smoking a pipe in your picture..


please god say yes

Naturally.

[Sawxfaninmd]

naturally.

fantastic!!!

[Tim Lumber]

After three years on Talk Forums, I'm happy to say this is officially my new favorite thread.

Lol, Triple M! I am glad to see you here in the Trailer Park forum. I have one word for Triple M....wait until former hotdog eating sensation and 413 pound badboy Joe Moko arrives. He will raise the smack talk bar to a whole new level. I sent him the link, he had to sign up. He has been a sidekick of mine on the message board sports world.

[Tim Lumber]

fantastic!!!

Finally sawxfaninmd, has a RED SOX avitar! I been waiting for this day for this day for over a year lol! Just make sure nobody mentions Bill Buckner to sawxfaninmd lol!

[Tim Lumber]

Are you smoking a pipe in your picture..


please god say yes

Its a Indian Peace Pipe lol! Now the million dollar question is "What is inside that pipe, what are you smoking lol ?"

[McDermott]

Its a Indian Peace Pipe lol! Now the million dollar question is "What is inside that pipe, what are you smoking lol ?"

It's a custom pipe blend from The Humidor cigar shop in Hunt Valley. Fantastic "husband daycare" as my wife calls it. Big TVs, leather chairs, and cigars that make Castro weak in the knees. Even see Ron Smith there from time to time.

[Joe Moko]

Tim when are we going to do my interview?

[Joe Moko]

I need to properly introduce myself to you readers. My name is Joe Moko, I am a former hotdog eating champion. Me and tim worked a temp job together years ago. He is my official sports writer. I hate the media, you can all kiss my 400 pound butt. The media cost me a future as a nathans competitor. I am a bareknuckel fighter in max meadows. I got my nose broke last fight. My next fight in may, I am fighting my former burger king boss who fired me after 13 years. I am going to KO him on the mountain top. I own the mountains in max meadows. Me and tim, are best writer, athlete team in the world.

[Tim Lumber]

You still on here Joe? Hey Joe.....I am Timmy Hendrix lol! I will give you that damn interview. And guess what...I am going to post it right here on this damn message board! Joe Moko, you are the baddest man alive today! Not anything these haters can do about lol! You are the guy who KO'd UFC Prospect Robert Van Peet in 5 degree weather, with NO shirt, NO shoes on! You my friend are one bad, bad, bad , bad man! So what if that 21 year old punk broke your nose that last fight. You are from the Trailer Park, represent down there in Max Meadows! Big Bill Bunker fired you for no damn reason...re-pay him in May! Break his nose! Beat him down on top of that mountain Joe!