married vs. living together

[CountessMeout]

Either you play house or you get serious and plan an adult relationship, paperwork, legalities and all. The only time I see the need to do less is when seniors will lose needed financial benefits because of marriage- which is sad and should not happen.

[EmDot]

Marriage doesn't always guarantee commitment. Look at how many people have gotten divorced.

[BRsunshine]

I don't understand this statement: "Byron Valle, 29, of Coral Springs, said he and his girlfriend chose to put their money into buying a home rather than getting married." It doesn't cost much to get married. I'm assuming Byron meant, "we chose to put our money into a house rather than having the big party we would want to have." I would say getting married isn't all that important to them, and they're using the cost of a wedding, not getting married, as the excuse.

I have nothing against cohabitating (not that my opinion should matter much when it comes to other people's relationships).

[crabsnbeer]

I can understand that BR. There are family issues to consider.
A young couple could to just get married at the court house. But the family wants an event. Some couples might put off the actual marriage while getting finances in order. Personally I think living together CAN be a good thing.

With lawyers and divorce costs I would rather find our that you can't live together before the baby and paperwork.

[bmore_ken]

The true measurement is determining whether it lowers the bar for commitment in our society as a whole and whether it is something we would want our children to do.

Does that explain the high divorce rate?

[canis]

I read somewhere that in Europe, living together for the long-term was common. Not so in the U.S. where it is more of temporary thing that winds up in the couples either getting married or going their own way.

[BRsunshine]

crabsnbeer, maybe the person quoted just wasn't a good example (or maybe I'm being too picky about the wording). I have nothing against living together before marriage. I've done it twice, learned a lot from the first time, applied it to the second one, and couldn't be happier now (and yes, still married ). I just think that if being married is truly important to a couple, there's really not much standing in their way. If having the wedding/celebration/whatever is that important, I don't see any problem with living together and waiting until they can afford it (in fact, I applaud it). I just don't think that the cost of a big wedding itself should keep people from getting married.

MrBR and I had the choice of getting married sooner with a small wedding (24 guests, planned in 3 weeks) or waiting to have the bigger wedding with a few bells and whistles. Being married was more important, so we went with the sooner, cheaper wedding.

[jonsensback]

The true measurement is determining whether it lowers the bar for commitment in our society as a whole and whether it is something we would want our children to do. The way we influence our children by the examples we set are lasting. It is up to each of us to determine if we think those examples are something we want more of or not.

I get it and point is taken but it's not realistic.

My wife and I married young and have been together over 30 years and have what I would call a great marriage.

I have two daughters and one is married after living with her boyfriend for a couple of years and the other daughter has lived with the same boyfrien for 10 years.

Both couples own their own home, but only my married daughter has a child and I'm hoping the other would get knocked up so she would get married,lol.

And I know of several 20-40 couples in my family and friends kids who have similar situations.

These are different times we live in and the draw of marriage just isn't there for some, despite the examples their parents gave them.

[PaintLady]

jons...maybe it's the examples of the [not-so-good] marriages that their parents had that influence the choice of not getting married...for some couples.

[bmore_ken]

I think it's just a change of time where marriage is not the end all be all anymore. It used to be you were expected to be married by a certain age(especially women). Women are now a major part of the work force now, their goals now are to succeed in their chosen careers, not necessarily a marriage. I think a reason there are so many divorces is people have felt societal pressures to get married just because, not because they necessarily love the person they're marrying

[sigmalady]

To each his or her own. Co-habitation was not for me. I've was never interested in assuming wifely duties without the title. I would consider living with a man without the benefit of marriage if he was paying all the bills. That way I could keep my money so that I would always have options if we parted company. I enjoyed my freedom when I was single and I enjoy being married to the love of my life.

[mockingbird]

If my husband passes on before me (please God, let me go first!) I will never marry again. Not because I don't like being married but because I love being married to my very bestest friend...and he will always be my one and only for marriage, no matter what.

[Aga]

I know about 5 unmarried couples that live together.

as of this past weekend, that number is increased to six

[Up2DaRack]

as of this past weekend, that number is increased to six

Great news!

[temptationwalk]

This article says the national trend is towards living together.



The pressure is off as far as expectations to get married go. Now it's accepted that living together is ok, and no derogatory terms are needed to describe those that do... you know, comments like "they're living in sin" and " making an honest woman out of her," etc.



So does this work for you, or do you think it's going to have a devastating effect on morality and society?

The article...

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/pal...,5033690.story

I value independence; marriage involves less independence than living together. I don’t want to support or be financially responsible for my partner. I believe in having separate bank accounts. As a male I value personal leisure and individual freedom

[sigmalady]

I value independence; marriage involves less independence than living together. I don’t want to support or be financially responsible for my partner. I believe in having separate bank accounts. As a male I value personal leisure and individual freedom

I value interdependence. We both have individual accounts, as well as joint accounts.

[Aga]

I value interdependence. We both have individual accounts, as well as joint accounts.

Yea, this is working for us.

It's funny when she asks me "where'd you get money from" after I've surprised her with a small gift or something.

[sigmalady]

I can understand that BR. There are family issues to consider.
A young couple could to just get married at the court house. But the family wants an event. Some couples might put off the actual marriage while getting finances in order. Personally I think living together CAN be a good thing.

With lawyers and divorce costs I would rather find our that you can't live together before the baby and paperwork.

Unfortunately, it seems that too many figure it out after the baby.

[octoburn]

Unfortunately, it seems that too many figure it out after the baby.

So true.

While marriage is not a guarantee of commitment, it still represents a much higher level of commitment to one's partner than does hooking~up on occasion for sleepovers and shacking~up. And each of those situations imparts a message through example ~ intentional or not ~ to children about what is desirable and acceptable in our personal lives and for the society we want to leave for our children and generations to come.

Seeing it in our own lives makes it easier to accept and more importantly, harder to criticize, but it also continues to lower to bar for the society we live in.

[Mitchum]

I lived with a bunch of women. I'm glad I didn't marry any of them.