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Hardknox

"Parent Egos" Do they help or hurt our kids.

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As a former player, coach and parent I've seen how parents think that their kid is better then they really are. They approach coaches and ask why their kid is playing more, they make negative statements about their kids coaches infront of their kids. What does this do to the development of the kid.

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Players play, coaches coach, parents watch...

 

To bad it doesn't always work that way...

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As a loving parent of a varsityfootball player I think that it's a double edge sword, because the game being so emotional sometimes we as parents let our feeling take control instead of getting a grip on reality which is it's only a game,their all of our kids out there,and kids most of the time lead by example and if u DON'T respect the other team, the refs, the coaches,the parents,the art of the game,and THEMSELVES How Do U except the kids too. I tell my son a lot of times to suck it up,and treat others how u want them to treat u,I believe it's only right to practice what u preach. But with all the emotions ALL highschool sport have sometimes it's easier said than done.WE'RE ALL HUMAN!

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i guess parents need to learn that in high-school, opposite of rec, its all about winning and having fun is the bonus. The coaches play the best 11 thats it. no ifs ands or buts. just the way it is.

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i guess parents need to learn that in high-school, opposite of rec, its all about winning and having fun is the bonus. The coaches play the best 11 thats it. no ifs ands or buts. just the way it is.

I guess some people need to realize that high school is only 4 yrs of ur life and some kids use this time to set a pathway 4 themselves and some just go with the flow ,I can only speak 4 myself on this one but when or lose u care urself in a manner that when u look back u DON'T look like a idiot,and my child starts on offence, deffence,and special team,and I disagree it's about have fun and winning is the bonus just my opinion We can agree to disagree on this one.

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As a coach I just accept the fact that no parent is ever going to be as objective about their child as the coaches will. In this day and age where every parent is convinced their son or daughter is going to get a scholarship, the relationship becomes even more difficult. From a coaching standpoint, we always have a meeting early, before any games have been played, and I go over my expectations for both the players and the parents as far as conduct for the year is concerned. It doesn't take care of all the potential problems, but it does help with most of them.

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As a coach I just accept the fact that no parent is ever going to be as objective about their child as the coaches will. In this day and age where every parent is convinced their son or daughter is going to get a scholarship, the relationship becomes even more difficult. From a coaching standpoint, we always have a meeting early, before any games have been played, and I go over my expectations for both the players and the parents as far as conduct for the year is concerned. It doesn't take care of all the potential problems, but it does help with most of them.

 

the worse parents seem to be the ones that coached their kids and others on the team when they were younger in rec.

they feel that they are invested and aactually should have input on school decisions.

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As a loving parent of a varsityfootball player I think that it's a double edge sword, because the game being so emotional sometimes we as parents let our feeling take control instead of getting a grip on reality which is it's only a game,their all of our kids out there,and kids most of the time lead by example and if u DON'T respect the other team, the refs, the coaches,the parents,the art of the game,and THEMSELVES How Do U except the kids too. I tell my son a lot of times to suck it up,and treat others how u want them to treat u,I believe it's only right to practice what u preach. But with all the emotions ALL highschool sport have sometimes it's easier said than done.WE'RE ALL HUMAN!

 

On the contrary, It Is Easier Said And DONE. Just Do It. You are only rationalizing and making excuses to do what you otherwise know is inappropraite or wrong and pawn it all off as "...we're all humans..." We humans are suppose to be the higher order of life. Get order in your life and this crap would be a non-issue. There!!!!....I just got some emotion off of my chest.

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Film practice sessions...tell the parent to give you a blank CD...show them the video of their kid half stepping at practice. Then ask...."Do you still want to know why your son didn't play last week?"

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Film practice sessions...tell the parent to give you a blank CD...show them the video of their kid half stepping at practice. Then ask...."Do you still want to know why your son didn't play last week?"

 

A long time ago but the best I ever had a coach do was during a basketball game when a parent was complaining from the stands about how bad of a coach he was. He asked the parent to come into the locker room at the half and break down how to attack the other team's zone. Well the father stormed down and basically told the kids to clear out and let his kid go 1 on 1. When one of my teammates asked about the fact that it was a zone, he told the kid he was wrong and that the coach was so bad he couldnt recognize it either. Finally his son was so embarrassed that he told his dad he was wrong and that they had played zone all game.

 

My teammate apologized to everyone but his dad never did.

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On the contrary, It Is Easier Said And DONE. Just Do It. You are only rationalizing and making excuses to do what you otherwise know is inappropraite or wrong and pawn it all off as "...we're all humans..." We humans are suppose to be the higher order of life. Get order in your life and this crap would be a non-issue. There!!!!....I just got some emotion off of my chest.
First of all my response was for does it help or hurt the child and like i said it's a double edge sword. and I'm glad u spoke ur mind just like i did just as long as when u really listen to what u wrote a few times u DON'T realize u sound like an idiot ,ha an what the hell if u do who cares ur only human not god ,u will make mistakes in ur life unless U R GOD.MR.PERFECT,LOL

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As a former player, coach and parent I've seen how parents think that their kid is better then they really are. They approach coaches and ask why their kid is playing more, they make negative statements about their kids coaches infront of their kids. What does this do to the development of the kid.

 

With all due respect, you've already answered the question. I believe every parent has atleast a little parental ego when it comes to their child....But they really do need to keep it in check, though. But I think that ego and confidence is two different things. We as coaches judge it as ego, but many parents claim to have confidence in their child. I totally agree: parents, coaches, and players should do their part respectfully, without the other party's criticism. But let's face it: No matter who or what your title is, there will always be that type of criticism. I'd say that this goes for coaches too....LET THE REFs CALL THE GAME!

 

But because of the passion that is usually associated with the game, you'll always have a coach telling the REFs their not doing their job, players claiming their the best player on the team and need more playing time, and consequently, they are getting overelooked, parents criticizing the coaches, and coaches criticizing the parents. What many of us all (parents, players and coaches) often forget that is that we need everyone in sync to have a successful program. We're all needed on everyside of the ball, classroom, off the field, and in the home.We're all needed for the athletic, social, and academic development.

 

And yes, if the truth was to be told, there are times when we as coaches, often overlook players...some becuz we simply didn't recognize their talent (i.e tavon austin at Carver), some bcuz of politics, others bcuz of "personal pics," and some because, well, we just can't see everything. But make no mistake about it, you can never, ever, doubt the heart, dedication, hard word, and personal investment into a team then that of a coach. A lot of hard hours is involved in coaching that parents just don't see....many that we DO NOT get paid for. We surely don't do it for the money. And if you ever think that you can do a better job, or would like to help assist in coaching, please, by all means, vounteer your time and efforts. We need all of the support that we can get.....Parenting is not easy either. You Parents have a tough job as well! And I wholeheartedly respect that!

 

So, I think we all need to respect each other when it comes to this game....Parents need to respect the dedication and hardwork that is put into the profession of coaching, and coaches need to respect the same that is put into parenting.

 

Fair enough?

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First of all my response was for does it help or hurt the child and like i said it's a double edge sword. and I'm glad u spoke ur mind just like i did just as long as when u really listen to what u wrote a few times u DON'T realize u sound like an idiot ,ha an what the hell if u do who cares ur only human not god ,u will make mistakes in ur life unless U R GOD.MR.PERFECT,LOL

 

Can we all just GET ALL ALONG?...LOL! Seriously, lets ALL (trip and kelz101) try respecting each other.

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Film practice sessions...tell the parent to give you a blank CD...show them the video of their kid half stepping at practice. Then ask...."Do you still want to know why your son didn't play last week?"

 

As a coach, I tell every member of the squad why they don't play the minutes they think they deserve. They don't demonstrate in practice that they 1) have learned the defensive and offensive concepts that we're teaching - i.e., don't know the plays. 2) Don't play hard enough in practice. One and two are interchangeable but they are the primary reasons why kids don't play more. Because when it comes down to it is all about trust. I play the kids that I trust to do the things we ask them to do in the way that we ask them to do it. When a player repeatedly shows that they can't or won't - they don't play. Improve your play and I will find minutes for you on the floor. But you have to prove it in practice first and do it consistently. So if a parent wants to talk to me about playing time - the player has to be there and I only hold those type meetings at 7 am on Saturday mornings. They don't interfere with practice and we're only going to talk for 15 minutes because I have things to do.

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It brings up an interesting debate! What is worse? The parent that is too involved or the parent that has no involvement?

 

We have all played with that Kid who's parent pushes them so hard that they there is no joy in competition, and we have all played with the kid who just wishes their parents would come out and watch.

 

These days it is expensive to be an athlete. If you play baseball, you need join facilities and travel, if you play lacrosse or soccer you need to join an expensive club team, if you play football you have to stay conditioned, go to camps, and put together a video, all of which add up. It is a little different in basketball because the AAU teams can be sponsored... but let's face those kids are in an elite company that doesn't apply to your average athlete.

 

So the perfect scenario is obviously the very involved parent who just offers support, but we all know that is more the exception than the rule.

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If you play baseball, you need join facilities and travel, if you play lacrosse or soccer you need to join an expensive club team, if you play football you have to stay conditioned, go to camps, and put together a video.....

No, a high school athlete doesn't need to do any of those things, and often, it's the parent and coach that pushes kids beyond their limits to do exactly what you say they need to do. There are plenty of solid high school athletes that do not play a single sport year around and are successful. Not every high school athlete has intentions of playing at the next level. In fact, most do not.

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You know, you all are talking about good coaches but, what about if the coach is poor. My son played lacrosse on his HS team. He's not a stellar player, but, is good and practices hard and long. Well, when he move from JV to Varsity, the coach had his stars and never put other kids in the game. Even if the stars were losing like 15 - 0. One day the coach even told me that he noticed how well my son was doing in practice, but, still didn't put him in the game. I know it's HS, not rec, blah, blah, blah, but, don't you think, as parents, we had the right to ask why he was not being given playing time? BTW, after we asked, he was put in the next game for 30 seconds, scored, and never played again. was this a good coach that deserved the kids and parents respect? (Needless to say, son did not play lacrosse his senior year.)

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There are a lot of really bad coach's in HS Sports. I think a Coach's ego can be a lot worse than anything else. There are definitely a lot of coach's that care a lot more about their win loss record than helping these kids succeed in life.

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You know, you all are talking about good coaches but, what about if the coach is poor. My son played lacrosse on his HS team. He's not a stellar player, but, is good and practices hard and long. Well, when he move from JV to Varsity, the coach had his stars and never put other kids in the game. Even if the stars were losing like 15 - 0. One day the coach even told me that he noticed how well my son was doing in practice, but, still didn't put him in the game. I know it's HS, not rec, blah, blah, blah, but, don't you think, as parents, we had the right to ask why he was not being given playing time? BTW, after we asked, he was put in the next game for 30 seconds, scored, and never played again. was this a good coach that deserved the kids and parents respect? (Needless to say, son did not play lacrosse his senior year.)

 

I agree you have the right to ask and your case sounds different then many but as a coach (albeit swimming) the parents that demand and dictate are the most annoying and damaging.

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There are a lot of really bad coach's in HS Sports. I think a Coach's ego can be a lot worse than anything else. There are definitely a lot of coach's that care a lot more about their win loss record than helping these kids succeed in life.

 

AMEN. There are also a lot of great coaches who coach teams with losing records but do a great job of teaching the game and life lessons with the athletes they have. Conversly there are some rotten coaches who have winning records and state championships to their credit but do it because of very skilled players despite their efforts.

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If you want to play in college, which many do!

But most don't play in college. To say one needs to play year around in a club in order to play high school ball is really short sighted. According to the NCAA:

 

"The National Collegiate Athletic Association, NCAA, has estimated that the chances of competing in your chosen sport at the college level is not great. For example, only 3% of high school senior basketball players will play NCAA sponsored basketball."

http://www.collegesportsscholarships.com/percentage-high-school-athletes-ncaa-college.htm

 

Parents need to step back and be rational. Most of these high school kids are not going to play in college, much less get some sort of ride. Unfortunately, parents tend to think their kid is the one, and push them to the point where the kid no longer even enjoys the sport. It's all about the delusion of the full-ride.

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But most don't play in college. To say one needs to play year around in a club in order to play high school ball is really short sighted. According to the NCAA:

 

"The National Collegiate Athletic Association, NCAA, has estimated that the chances of competing in your chosen sport at the college level is not great. For example, only 3% of high school senior basketball players will play NCAA sponsored basketball."

http://www.collegesportsscholarships.com/percentage-high-school-athletes-ncaa-college.htm

 

Parents need to step back and be rational. Most of these high school kids are not going to play in college, much less get some sort of ride. Unfortunately, parents tend to think their kid is the one, and push them to the point where the kid no longer even enjoys the sport. It's all about the delusion of the full-ride.

 

I agree with everything you are saying. You really have to be elite to play college basketball. There are a lot of college athletic opportunities between Divisions I, II, and III and junior college, and it helps those who have an interest to have parents that can help them out.

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