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Hardknox

"Parent Egos" Do they help or hurt our kids.

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Parents need to step back and be rational. Most of these high school kids are not going to play in college, much less get some sort of ride. Unfortunately, parents tend to think their kid is the one, and push them to the point where the kid no longer even enjoys the sport. It's all about the delusion of the full-ride.

 

What follows are some snippets I put together as a recruiting guide for our players and parents - maybe it can help:

 

If your son wants to play college football here are some important tips to consider:

 

1. First things first – initiate conversation with the coach.

a. Get the coach’s perspective – is your son physically and mentally capable, based on his coach’s experience, of going to the next level? What are his weaknesses that he needs to work on? Speed? Size? Strength? What level of college football is he best suited for?

b. Remember when the time comes, college coaches will contact the coach – they’ll want his opinion of your son. Is he coachable? Is he physically and academically able to be a college student-athlete?

 

2. Assess and reassess your sons’ commitment to playing football in college. Most kids are enamored by the idea of playing college football, but when faced with the time, training, stress, and commitment required they may have a change in heart. It makes little sense to invest the time, money, and effort required to pursue the recruiting process if your son doesn’t demonstrate he is willing to invest himself in the process as well.

 

3. Everything that follows should be looked at as a guideline – there is no “this is how you do it” approach to college recruiting. For every suggestion there is always an exception to be found.

 

12. Just as important as anything in this handbook – college sports is about a student-athletics (note student first). There are several great athletes offered scholarships every year that are unable to meet the academic requirements to gain entry into a given school. If your son is truly interested in going on to college and playing football he has to be able to get the job done in the classroom as well as on the field. As a rule of thumb, a 3.0 GPA should be the standard. If he is below a 3.0, he needs to spend more time hitting the books than hanging out with his friends (this is part of the commitment needed mentioned in Paragraph #5). He also needs to do well on his SAT/ACT’s. Recommend he start taking the SAT his sophomore year to understand the test and hone his test taking skills. Although the SAT has changed to a 3 part test (including the new essay portion) most schools still look at the SAT as a Math and Critical Reading only. These two sections have a total possible of 1600. The magic number for an athlete is 1,000. Many schools will take kids below 1,000, but very few will turn away an otherwise qualified athlete with 1,000 or higher.

 

College Recruiting Checklist

 

o Have the conversation with your son early.

o Ask him direct questions beyond “do you want to play football in college?”

o Ask him what he intends to study in college.

o What is most important to him in a school – academics or football?

o Is the size of school important?

o Is the location important?

 Does he want to be far away or as close as possible to home?

o Does he want to play as soon as possible?

 Many schools Red Shirt incoming freshman to build on strength, conditioning, and size

o Is he willing to wait his turn to play, even if it means waiting until he’s a junior or senior?

 This may be the difference between playing at the Division II level and Division I-A.

o Carroll Field has the capacity to seat 4,000 spectators – is average crowd size at a college football game important? Many schools, especially D-II and D-III, won’t draw 1,000 people to games.

o Is he willing to change positions to be able to play in college?

o When looking at schools, make sure he’s asking himself “Can I be happy at this school if I weren’t playing football?”

o There are many more questions he needs to ask himself and communicate to you – as you can see, it goes way beyond the initial question.

 

 

If anyone is interested in the full handbook it's located here:

 

http://www.arundelfootball.com/Forms/Football_Info-082108.doc

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Lovingly remind the player agent, I mean parent that there is no democracy on a football team and their opinion doesn't count.

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How about a coach's ego? I agree with the Lacrosse parent comment. HS coaches abuse their authority. They make all decisions unilaterally. There is no compromise. A lot of coaches lean on star power. Putting the best 11 out there on the field? Hell No not always. On one of the high school soccer teams, a captain was benched because she suggested to the coach, when asked by the coach what to do to win, what the starting lineup should be? I agree coaches have to deal with whining parents all the time but they are not as CLEAN as they want us to think they are...

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Can we all just GET ALL ALONG?...LOL! Seriously, lets ALL (trip and kelz101) try respecting each other.
Your so right MDFoodball4life thank for being the voice of reason and to Mr. Trip I'll b the first 2 apologys , we again can agree 2 disagree

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It brings up an interesting debate! What is worse? The parent that is too involved or the parent that has no involvement?

 

 

They are about the same to me. One is like abusive and the other is like neglect.

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I took some heat from people "coaches" and MSJ alum I'm guessing because I touched on this subject. I'm not from MD. and all of my coaching has been in the Pitt. PA. public school system and DII ball were I also played. Now I have come across parents who think there kids should play and once you talk with them they seem to understand. But what I've seen at the private level is just ridiculous. My son plays both ways at MSJ, but I fail to see the logic on some other players. They have some very good JV players and very good players that see limited time on the Vr. My son and some teamates have asked why not play this guy or move so and so up, and the response is they won't matter. But we move up other's who have family ties with the program. Before my son set foot on private school all I heard was politics, politics, politics, and thought to myself it can't be that bad well I was wrong it is. I've got a friend whose son is over at the Hall and he was telling me about the O. cord. who is a friend of the coach and has a son that starts at Wr, well we know how that turned out. I do agree some parents are a pain in the butt when it comes to this, but some coaches and programs bring it on themselves.

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How about a coach's ego? I agree with the Lacrosse parent comment. HS coaches abuse their authority. They make all decisions unilaterally. There is no compromise. A lot of coaches lean on star power. Putting the best 11 out there on the field? Hell No not always. On one of the high school soccer teams, a captain was benched because she suggested to the coach, when asked by the coach what to do to win, what the starting lineup should be? I agree coaches have to deal with whining parents all the time but they are not as CLEAN as they want us to think they are...

 

How about a coach's ego? If you spent the hours away from family devoted to helping young players develop like most coaches I know, you'd feel you know more than the average parent who gets their sports knowledge from ESPN. There are no unilateral decisions made by good coaches. You have no idea of the hours a head coach and his or her staff spend discussing roster moves, starting lineups, and the JV rosters. Unfortunately for the kids, what they offer in practice is what the coach has to base playing time on. Garbage in, garbage out. And yes the coach usually decides to start the best players because one of the short term goals is to win the damn game. The coach has an obligation to put his or her team in the best position to win. Sometimes a coach may want to reward a player for a great week of practice with playing time. But for the most part and from the competent coaches playing time is earned. Sure there are coaches that bend to the politics of high school sports but most coaches I know don't. I don't know the particulars of the captain you spoke of but there are usually two sides to a story especially when a captain is bench - the truth usually resides somewhere in the middle.

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I know of several kids whose folks chose to send them to " the " baseball program, which shall remain nameless, and ended up with no playing time year after year. The reason is the same as was stated earlier, in that players with family ties get preferential treatment, or that their kids were not as good as they thought. This super school dresses like 25 kids on varsity, and traditionally kicks tail, because they get the best players - no crime in that. But to have kids play four years and never see the field, even in blowouts, is criminal. The parents have to share the blame, however, because they have to know in advance that it may turn out that way - there are no guarantees. I would rather have my kid get a chance to play at a lesser school than to sit on the bench at a powerhouse. You only get one chane to play - and for those that talk about exposure, if you are that good, scouts will find you and hopefully you will get to continue playing, even if it is at a small DIII school. Unless your kid is the BEST around, he could end up on the bench at Powerhouse HS.

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I think parents need to keep the proper persepctive concerning athletics. My parents probably new my capabilities better than my coach. Sometimes they needed to tell me how bad I was playing because they new it would motivate me sort of like a kick in the butt. Parent's need to be respectful of coaches. If you want to discuss playing time, make an appointment, don't approach a coach before or after practice. You would want the coach to just walk into you job and criticize your work habits. When you meet with the coach, be prepared to here the truth about your son. Some of the most talented players do not practice hard and goof off so they will not play as many minutes.

 

To address Metro Dad, anyone familiar with CHC know that they carry 25 players and many of them will see limited playing time. If the parent's don't realize this, they did not due their homework. I could have attended CHC, but chose JC becasue I knew that I could play at JC given my talent. If I made the team at JC, I would not have played. CMW also carries a huge squad and many players don't see game action also. Having said this, I would rather be a part onfa team and build friendships and not play then not be a part of a team.

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I think parents need to keep the proper persepctive concerning athletics. My parents probably new my capabilities better than my coach. Sometimes they needed to tell me how bad I was playing because they new it would motivate me sort of like a kick in the butt. Parent's need to be respectful of coaches. If you want to discuss playing time, make an appointment, don't approach a coach before or after practice. You would want the coach to just walk into you job and criticize your work habits. When you meet with the coach, be prepared to here the truth about your son. Some of the most talented players do not practice hard and goof off so they will not play as many minutes.

 

To address Metro Dad, anyone familiar with CHC know that they carry 25 players and many of them will see limited playing time. If the parent's don't realize this, they did not due their homework. I could have attended CHC, but chose JC becasue I knew that I could play at JC given my talent. If I made the team at JC, I would not have played. CMW also carries a huge squad and many players don't see game action also. Having said this, I would rather be a part onfa team and build friendships and not play then not be a part of a team.

 

JCA,

 

These are excellent points. Perhaps we give too much consideration to athletics and not academics. When my daughter gets to high school, I would like to think she and I will choose a school that is a good fit for HER academically FIRST then athletics second, if she chooses to play high school sports. If she does choose to play, then she will need to decide whether, based on her talent level, where she wants to go, but this will be based on schools that are a good fit academically/ socially first and foremost.

 

All parents want to think their kids are superstars, heck, the kids are told this from day one in rec ball. They, and their parents, have no clue what it's like to fail. Everyone gets a trophy, nobody looses on some levels, and everyone plays every game. This is great, but when you move up the chain from middle to high school the scenario changes.

 

Sure, high school sports are about developing the whole person, BUT make no mistake, they are also about winning. If you do not think this is true, read any post on this baord about how Coach Davis should have been fired last year, or the game has passed by Coach Poggi, or Coach Armstrong does not play his best players. Even the parents and alumni give programs heat for not winning.

 

Just my two cents, end of rant!;)

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One of the problems with high school football is youth football. I love watching my sons play, but I am amazed at how good they think their kids are. Many kids excel in comparison to the competition, but as you move up in levels, the competition becomes tougher. There are no playbacks in high school football.

 

Parents read about thier kids in the paper, things are posted on line, one coach in our league uploads every game so the parents can watch the game film. This makes kids overestimate their abilities in comparison to everyone, not just the players in their league. I have instances where parents have brought in camp report cards and trophies to justify why their child shouldn't have been cut.

 

At the high school level, we have a tendency to play the kids the "look" like players first. We all want that 6' 2" 225lb tackle, and if we have one, he usually gets the first opportunity. He is genetically blessed. Sometimes it takes a few weeks to find out that the 5'11'' 180lb tackle is actually better, he works harder, he is tougher, and he makes plays. So there is a natural prejiduce towards kids that look like athletes. This goes on at all levels, why do you think there are so many busts in the nfl draft.

 

Finally, 97% of kids will NOT play college football. It is a fact. The colleges want the

6'4" 26o lb lineman that works his butt off, or the kid that can run a 4.5 or better. If you really think you are a better football player than a recruited kids, walk on. College coaches make mistakes too. They recruit genetics then talent. It has always been that way.

 

So let kids enjoy the high school experience for what it is, and don't worry about the next level. That will be a bonus if it happens. If your child is not playing, ask him first. A lot of athletes know that the person in front of them is better. It is harder for the parent to see that than the player. Coaches in the end want to win, and playing the hardest working kids usually makes that happen

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One of the problems with high school football is youth football. I love watching my sons play, but I am amazed at how good they think their kids are. Many kids excel in comparison to the competition, but as you move up in levels, the competition becomes tougher. There are no playbacks in high school football.

 

Parents read about thier kids in the paper, things are posted on line, one coach in our league uploads every game so the parents can watch the game film. This makes kids overestimate their abilities in comparison to everyone, not just the players in their league. I have instances where parents have brought in camp report cards and trophies to justify why their child shouldn't have been cut.

 

At the high school level, we have a tendency to play the kids the "look" like players first. We all want that 6' 2" 225lb tackle, and if we have one, he usually gets the first opportunity. He is genetically blessed. Sometimes it takes a few weeks to find out that the 5'11'' 180lb tackle is actually better, he works harder, he is tougher, and he makes plays. So there is a natural prejiduce towards kids that look like athletes. This goes on at all levels, why do you think there are so many busts in the nfl draft.

 

Finally, 97% of kids will NOT play college football. It is a fact. The colleges want the 6'4" 26o lb lineman that works his butt off, or the kid that can run a 4.5 or better. If you really think you are a better football player than a recruited kids, walk on. College coaches make mistakes too. They recruit genetics then talent. It has always been that way.

 

So let kids enjoy the high school experience for what it is, and don't worry about the next level. That will be a bonus if it happens. If your child is not playing, ask him first. A lot of athletes know that the person in front of them is better. It is harder for the parent to see that than the player. Coaches in the end want to win, and playing the hardest working kids usually makes that happen

 

That's 97% of of the kids who actually played in HS not of the total population!

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