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Scaggsville

Stooopid Jokes

22 posts in this topic

Two cats have a swimming race aross the English Channel, one is English, the other French.

The English cat is called "One two three", the French cat is called "Un deux trois".

Which cat wins?

The English cat.

Why?

Because Un deux trois cat sank…

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3 hours ago, Scaggsville said:

Two cats have a swimming race aross the English Channel, one is English, the other French.

The English cat is called "One two three", the French cat is called "Un deux trois".

Which cat wins?

The English cat.

Why?

Because Un deux trois cat sank…

Memories of middle school French class :D

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Q: How do you keep an Amish woman satisfied?

A: Two Mennonite.

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Baby Jesus is like my favorite kind of chicken wing. He's tender and mild.

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5 hours ago, ODENTON said:

What has no legs yet it runs?

A nose

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1 hour ago, ODENTON said:

A nose

Aww, I was gonna say a refrigerator. 

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knock knock..

Whos there?

Interrupting cow..

Interrupting cow wh..

MOOO!

(it's all in the timing) 

 

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What'd the fish say when he swam into a wall?

 

DAM!

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Posted (edited)

11 hours ago, naive said:

What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel. That's reeeeeeally old. :)

What always runs but has no feet, has a mouth that never eats, has a bed but never sleeps?

Edited by Evil Yoda

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57 minutes ago, Evil Yoda said:

A towel. That's reeeeeeally old. :)

What always runs but has no feet, has a mouth that never eats, has a bed but never sleeps?

A river! :)

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Hispanic magician tells his audience he will make himself disappear on the count of three.

He begins the countdown....

Uno!

Dos!

Then poof.

He disappeared without a tres.

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A con man, a racist and a pervert walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What can I get you Mr President?"

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man walks into a library, and says "I'd like a cheeseburger and a coke"..

Librarian says, "sir, this is a library!"

Man says, "Sorry, (whispering) I'd like a cheeseburger and a coke"

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Q; What do you call the head honcho of John Deere?

A: The CEieiO. 

 

 

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This is supposedly the funniest joke according to science:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911.
"My friend is dead! What should I do?"
The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead."
There's a silence, then a loud bang.
Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

https://www.cnet.com/news/science-declares-this-is-the-funniest-joke-in-the-world/

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Why didn't Hillary Clinton let her her campaign staffers exercise?

She didn't want them to "Feel The Bern". :D:D 

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3 hours ago, zenwalk said:

This is supposedly the funniest joke according to science:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911.
"My friend is dead! What should I do?"
The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead."
There's a silence, then a loud bang.
Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

https://www.cnet.com/news/science-declares-this-is-the-funniest-joke-in-the-world/

I think it’s because we can see it in our mind. Personally, I picture Gomer Pyle making the 911 call. (Or, pretty much anyone in Mayberry ‘cept Andy.) :lol:

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What do you call a man who crosses the sea twice without a bath?

A dirty double crosser.

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Had he survived, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would be 159 today. RIP.

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